Tag Archives: asd

Acceptance and Inclusion, It’s Only Human.

acceptance

When we first became aware that autism is a part of our lives, I welcomed Autism Awareness Day. I wanted other people outside of our family to “get it”.

But a funny thing happened: Nothing.

One day a year of proclaiming support and understanding doesn’t actually make up for a year’s worth of not getting it.

Then I realized that awareness was never going to work. Each and every autistic individual is the same as everyone else in the world, that is to say unique . One individual’s experience is merely that, one individual’s experience. So learning that a child in your community is non-verbal or has sensory issues does not mean that you “know” autism. It means that you know of the characteristics of that individual.

Then, as I learned more about the autistic and autism communities (autistic community being composed of individuals with autism and the autism community being their families) I realized that the blue shirt campaign is the very successful campaign of a single organization that does not recognize autistics as individuals. It is a campaign of scare tactics used to raise money by promoting autism as an evil thing that is to be exorcized from our family members. Autism is neither evil nor a tragedy. It simply is. Autism Speaks does not allow autistics to have a say on their board. It does not represent autistics. This is why I do not support the light it blue/blue shirt campaign.

What I struggle with most is why anyone who is neurologically different, physically different, emotionally different, gender non-conforming, gay or any other kind of “difference” has to ask for you to be aware of their individual specific circumstances. Why is it so difficult to simply accept and include them? No one will be offended if you ask what you can do to make their inclusion go more smoothly.

And please do not get me started on inclusion and acceptance in our schools, because on the surface it’s supposed to happen, but in reality rarely does. The reasons are complicated but do include the fear factor When we remove that fear, then we pave the pathway to acceptance and inclusion.

Today I ask for you to ask yourself why you struggle with acceptance and inclusion and to please do something to change that.

There are books on this subject, and there are many, many blog posts, most written by people far more eloquent than I. I have linked to several of them below so that you can read them and educate yourself. And find a way to accept and include everyone, no matter their individual circumstances.

#autismacceptance #autisminclusion #acceptanceoverawareness

The Color Blue

No more

We are not broken

This is what acceptance feels like

Not Blue

I will not light it up blue

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The Unicorn


A mythical creature.

A story passed down.

Often describes things that we cannot fathom or dream of.

Things that are outside of our scope of experience.

For example our eldest son’s new school.

I got a call this week asking if I could come in for a meeting. “Of course!” I said, hoping that our honeymoon period wasn’t over yet. When I signed in at the office the principal came out of his office to say “Hi.” and ask how things were going. He seemed genuinely happy when I said that I was thrilled that our son was making friends and choosing to hang out with them outside in the school yard rather than reading in the library or office. Not only did he not think it was weird when I said that alone made our year a success for me, he agreed!

The SERT met me in the office, and together we went upstairs, chatting along the way. Our son was again offered an opportunity to join us but chose to take the bus home with his classmates! Anyone who knows an aspie realizes just how big a step this is. Oh and did I mention that instead of sitting near the driver, he chooses to sit at the back.

With the other grade 8’s.

Because that’s what grade 8’s do.

The meeting consisted of two teachers, an EA and the SERT.

And you know what? There were no major issues. Just some questions about how to handle certain situations. All asked in a “What do you suggest we do/try?” tone of voice.

I made sure to repeatedly tell them how thrilled I was. That they can feel free to contact us at any time. That being proactive like this can only ensure his success. That for the first time he is coming home talking about his day.

And most importantly, he is happy.

I sat in my van afterwards and realized that I no longer had to hold back the tears.

I’m so glad that we made the difficult decision to transfer him. That the school we chose is that rare mythical creature that actually encourages and supports him.

If only every Autistic child had that opportunity…

I Never Expected this to Happen in the Schoolyard

I rarely go into the school yard any more. Haven’t for a couple of years. The two older kids are “too old” for mom to hang around with the other moms in the yard. “Too old” to be seen hugging and kissing me.

I have carefully respected these feelings. When I walk them to school, I stop at the crossing guard, watch them across the street, then continue on my walk. We created a signal (fist bump and hand clap) to represent hug and kiss.

The two weeks though, the street their school is on has been plagued by heavy construction as curbs are replaced and parts are resurfaced so we have been taking an alternate route to school. It leads me though away from the lake where I like to walk our dog and baby each morning. So I have been walking around the back of the school yard to a bike path on the other side which gets me around the construction and out to my typical walking area.

Walking through that yard brings back quite a bit of nostalgia. Watching the little kids in Kindergarten, the slightly bigger kids lining up to go into the primary grades, the hovering parents standing in clumps waiting to make sure their little one gets into the school safely.

I don’t know why it causes so much nostalgia, I mean I know I’ll be back there again in a few short years. But by then the older two will both be in high school (even the thought of that takes my breath away– weren’t they just in kindergarten yesterday?)

Yesterday morning we were running a little later than usual and I barely got a chance to fist bump them as they ran to get in the doors. A mom walking back up towards the street looked at me, indicated my eldest and said “He’s yours?”

“Yes.” I said a bit warily, dreading what I was about to hear.

“I just wanted to tell you that your son is amazing. I know he’s had a rough year and that no one has said that to you. But he’s really great.”

I think I said “Thank you.” I certainly hope I did. Who was this woman? And what has she done with the typical way people avoid talking about him.

We ended up chatting for about twenty minutes or so. It turns out that she is a lunch supervisor and has gotten to know my son that way.

What she doesn’t know is that those lunch hours when she chatted with him, that she was providing much needed social interaction for him. The kind that many parents avoid with him. The kind that you can’t force people to do.

When I told my son about her and her compliment, he got a HUGE smile and said “She’s nice. I like her.”

And for me? That woman showed me that even in the wrong school, the right people can still be there. That someone saw our son for who he really is. Not for what his challenges are.

She made my day. No. She just made the rough year fade back a bit. And for that I am grateful.