Category Archives: friends

The End of Competition Season

It’s been a whirlwind few weeks. Checking costumes, extra practises, getting to competitions, squeezing in a teeny room to change and another one to warm up.

We all enjoy it though. And this weekend brings us our final dance comp of the season. There is an element of relief, but it’s pretty bittersweet. I, who was always a rec soccer player has found that I love being a dance mom. No one in our studio is the scary kind of dance parent, we all help each other out and love to hang out. I’ve made some wonderful friends through my daughter’s dance. And for anyone who thinks I push her she comes home from practise and immediately starts dancing and perfecting her acro tricks. All of the girls do this. Dancing is in their blood, part of who they are.

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One of our moms posted this Dance Mom Prayer on Facebook tonight and I thought it so wonderfully captured it all that I had to share it with you:

A Dance Mom’s Prayer

For Competition Day

Dear Lord, it is competition season and I have a few prayer requests. Please let our day begin well. May our directions from the internet be correct. May we arrive at the venue on time and find ample parking.

May we have every shoe, costume, costume accessory, tights, extra tights, make-up and any other thing you know we will need, but I have failed to list.

Dear Lord, we need to pray for the venue, yes the venue. May the dressing room space we have be shared with a nice studio, with polite girls and parents and may everyone be provided with the understanding that while we would all like more space, this is what we have to deal with and make the best of it. May said dressing room not be located three stories up from the theater. While I know I need to exercise more, I do not want to start today and dancers in tap shoes hustling up and down three flights of stairs makes me nervous!

May my dancer’s make-up be flawless and Lord bless those applying mascara for their dancers. May the hair process go smoothly. May buns be slick and poufs be poufy. May my dancer have a sweet and cooperative attitude so I do not have the urge to push that last bobby pin in a little firmer. 🙂

Prayers to the parents attaching wigs to their sweet little dancer’s head. Give them guidance to adhere those wigs firmly for I have yet to meet a child, tween or teen who wants to be dancing on stage in a wig cap.

Dear Lord, we must pray for the performance. May my dancer be even more beautiful than she was at dress rehearsal and please dear Lord may she stay upright throughout her dances. If you recall, we have experienced that life lesson in the past and survived; but, we would prefer not to have a repeat.

May our quick changes seem effortless and our tights remain intact. Lord, let the fishnets remain free of giant holes. May we be free of costume malfunctions for I have witnessed them and would not wish them on anyone. May hats stay on heads and shoes stay on feet. May Props remain propped. May we not hear the announcement “Can someone from XYZ studio, supply a back up CD”.

Vision – Dear Lord, this is a big one, please provide dance parents and dancers perfect vision for today so they can see when they enter an auditorium at a dance competition there are dancers performing on stage. I repeat, there are dancers performing on stage. Dear Lord provide them with the awareness that now would not be a good time to stand in front of others or talk loudly.

Dear Lord, may parents, friends and dancers understand that hootin’ and hollerin’ and shaking noisemakers for a lyrical or ballet dance just breaks the mood.

For the awards – may the announcer be courteous and entertaining, but not long winded. May the announcement of the awards be quick, but not so rushed that we can hardly understand what scores the dances received.

Dear Lord, at the end of the day….

May I have had an enjoyable day with the other Dance Moms from our team

May I be appreciative of the other studios we shared our day with

May we have been well entertained by talented children who enjoy performing and sharing their talents

May I continue to be amazed at how hard our dance teachers and studio owner work and how much they genuinely love their students

and most importantly

May my dancer leave today with the same confident spirit she had when she arrived.

Amen.

Source: Your Daily Dance

Have a great competition this weekend girls!!!

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Start a Conversation

Social media is an interesting phenomena. Lots of bickering, mommy wars, and one of the best ways to keep posted on what’s happening in the world. And when that’s all overwhelming and too much, there are always the feel good stories. They pop up, get circulated around and everyone shares them to further spread the warm and fuzzies.

The latest one to get circulated is about a boy with challenges similar to autism who asked his mother not to have a birthday party for him because he doesn’t have any friends. Mom set up a Facebook page and the media picked it up and now he’s being inundated with birthday cards.

How heartbreaking that his mom needed to do something like that. I get it, I truly do as I share in her despair every day. Kids with autism face so many challenges that it just doesn’t feel fair to add a lack of friends on top of it all.

So many people got on board for this, that it seems like one of those heartwarming do-good, feel-good stories. Teachers were even getting their entire classes to create and send cards. Mom was even getting notices from the postal service that there was too much mail!

But…after a friendless card-opening party with his mom, that boy will go back to his lonely existence. Neither your life nor his will be any better.

So I’m sending a big ‘ol shame on you to all of you who shared the story and/or sent a card. Yes I said shame on you. Because you all saw a feel-good story. Some of you even spent the $5 to buy a card and a stamp. And you all patted yourselves on the backs for a job well done and went on with your lives.

Nothing has actually changed. Tomorrow that boy will wake up and still face the prospect of going to school and not exchanging a single word with his classmates. If he’s really lucky a teacher might ask him about what he did last night, but more likely he or she will only direct him about his schoolwork.

Whether you are a teacher or a parent, you should be using this as an opportunity to talk to your kids about exclusion and loneliness. How inviting everyone but “that” kid to your party or giving out a valentine to everyone but “that” kid is causing very real harm. Kids with special needs can’t help their behaviour, and if it seems odd to you then you need to learn to get over it.

If you don’t know how then ask. As a parent, I would much rather be asked by a child or a parent about how to interact with my son than for him to be ignored and ostracized. If you are too uncomfortable to ask me, then ask a teacher. If you’re the teacher and you don’t know, ask your SERT, or me, or call the special education expert at the board.

Please notice that I said “interact.” I did not say “fake friendship with.” Pretending to be someone’s friend when you really aren’t only causes harm to both people and frankly they don’t need you in their life. I’m talking about basic human interaction. A conversation. Try starting one. You might be surprised at what you discover.

In fact, as parents and teachers, you should be modeling this for your children. What’s stopping you from having a conversation with a lonely person? You all know someone. Whether they are a freak, a geek, a loser, a senior, someone with physical, developmental, or mental disability; you all know at least one lonely person.

To really, truly make a difference in the world, you need to speak to these people.

And saying “Hi” only barely qualifies for good manners. I mean truly have a conversation. If you’re Canadian then complain about the weather with them. If you’re not, then comment on something in the news. Ask them how they’re doing. And wait for an answer. Be patient. If they are truly a lonely person then they aren’t used to being spoken to like that. They might be caught off guard or need to formulate an answer. Whatever it is, it’s not likely to be what you were expecting. And it will be worth it.

Your conversation doesn’t have to be an hour long marathon to count. Just a few minutes while waiting in line for coffee or while waiting for the bus or while waiting to go inside after the recess bell. Just long enough to connect with someone who is desperate for that connection.

Do it daily. It doesn’t even have to be the same person. And you never know, you might actually like someone you didn’t speak to before.

And when you are doing that regularly, and only then, can you pat yourself on the back for a job well done, a difference made in someone’s life.

Let’s see how many people you can engage in conversation:
Tag your social media as #startaconversation
post your comments here
tag me on twitter @TeamWAdventures
Post on my Facebook page
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And then reality sets in…

We know that our eldest child, the one who has autism, really doesn’t have any friends. Honestly he has just one. A boy, very similar to himself whose family we know. It’s very unfortunate that they do not go to the same school and only see each other some weekends.

But knowing he has issues with social interactions and seeing for myself are two completely different things.

The other night I watched him for a few minutes in his hip hop class. He has come a long way, following along and not getting overwhelmed by the music and moving mass of kids. He impressed me with his dance moves. Watching that part of the class, and you would never know… yet it was impossible for me not to notice him in the downtime, the moments of instruction or waiting his turn.

He stood to the side. Looking at anything but the other people. Staring into space. Not as relaxed as he tried to appear. Apart from the others.

It was a small moment, but it pierced me. I began to question the wisdom of putting him in the class. He enjoys it but does not love it. We want him to have these opportunities but I wonder, at what cost to him? How much does he understand? We know that the older he grows, the more he “gets” it, but I honestly don’t know how he feels about it.

Some days he talks about wishing he had more friends, more people to hang out with on the weekends. But most of the time, he operates without seeming to need that social connection.

It breaks my heart every time we do something as a family and he hangs back, chilling in his room or the basement. I know that to a point that is stereoptypical teenage behaviour but still… I want to connect more with him.

And seeing him in a group of age-peers like that, standing to one side, not connected with any of them, drives it home. That he does not connect on a level that we understand. No matter how much we can wish it away, or try to change it, that is who he is. It will never diminish our love for him.

The reason I don’t win anything

This past weekend I was doing what all competitive team parents must do at some point:
The Pub Night.
I know some people really enjoy it, and honestly it wasn’t bad at all–the company was fun!

It was also the first snowfall of the season that day and it kept a lot of people home. (Why do the forecasters always create so much drama over the potential maybe’s of a storm and basically shut the town down for a couple of cm?)

So it was quieter than we had expected and the bids on our silent auction items weren’t quite as vigorous as we’d hoped.

We were joking that with the lack of bids we would all end up going home with something, and I turned to my friend beside me and said that it wouldn’t matter, because I never really win anything.

She said to me that she never did either and that was ok. Because we have everything that we need in our lives, so we don’t need to win anything

Well. Um. Yeah.

So instead of complaining any further about it, I changed my view. I have everything I could possibly want. Three awesome children, an incredible husband, a silly dog, a four bedroom home, a van (yes I’m even grateful for the van!), and wonderful in-laws. Who could honestly ask for anything more?

Thank you to my fantastic friend for pointing out the obvious when I obviously needed it.